As a mediator for the past 40 years, I have facilitated a variety of conflicts, from divorce and child custody to multi-party, landlord tenant, and cross cultural conflicts, among others. In the past people were more willing to own the impact of their behavior and language. People were able to say I’m sorry or I didn’t mean to treat you that way. Today the world has become more divided and many people are stuck in being right, and live in fear about what to say while challenged to apologize and move forward.
The world has become a microcosm of increasing division and conflict. From geopolitical struggles between nations to rising tensions within local communities, the planet is teetering on the edge of constant discord. This state of conflict isn’t just about the clashing of armies or political ideologies—it is something far more profound: a widespread disconnection among people. This disconnection manifests as an inability to offer or accept genuine apologies, acknowledge harm, or express remorse when treating others poorly. As this relational gap widens, we find ourselves in a world where lies and dehumanizing behaviors are becoming the norm, leading to deep societal fractures.
At the heart of this growing global conflict is the absence of genuine human connection. In times of dispute, the simple act of saying “I’m sorry” or “I didn’t mean to hurt you” can often resolve tensions and foster reconciliation. Many people now find themselves unable—or unwilling—to express these sentiments. The rise of social media, economic inequalities, and tribalistic thinking has driven many of us into echo chambers, where opposing perspectives are viewed with suspicion, and the “other” is dehumanized. When people are unable to acknowledge their wrongdoings or offer sincere heartfelt apologies, conflict becomes entrenched, eroding our ability to relate and find connections to one another.
This disconnection is nowhere more evident than in the United States political system, which has become a breeding ground for false narratives, blatant lies, and a complete lack of accountability. Leaders across the political spectrum have increasingly adopted rhetoric designed to divide rather than unite, appealing to emotions such as fear, anger, and resentment. Politicians peddle misinformation or half-truths, often turning complex issues into simple, black-and-white narratives that cast one group as righteous and another as evil. In this environment, owning up to mistakes or extending a desire to listen to other perspectives becomes a sign of weakness.
Lies and misleading statements have the effect of dehumanizing those who disagree, framing them as enemies rather than fellow community members. Political leaders frequently refuse to take accountability for their actions, fostering a culture where wrongdoings are justified, rationalized, or ignored altogether. Leadership sets the standard and the divisive nature of our political discourse has trickled down to everyday interactions whereby admitting fault or saying “I’m sorry” becomes increasingly rare. Instead of addressing the underlying causes of conflict, people double down on their positions, contributing to a societal atmosphere of hostility, distrust, and dehumanization.
This collective failure to take responsibility for harm inflicted, whether on a personal, national or international scale, has dire consequences. When individuals and societies are disconnected, they lose the ability to empathize with others’ pain or perspective. Apologies, expressions of remorse, or gestures of kindness are powerful tools that bridge gaps and build trust. Without these tools, resentment festers, and conflict becomes inescapable. The ripple effects are felt everywhere—within families, schools, workplaces, and communities. Disconnection fosters environments where people feel alienated, misunderstood, and more inclined to perpetuate cycles of anger and bitterness.
At the global level, the consequences of this disconnection are even more pronounced. Without a sense of shared humanity, international conflicts escalate with little regard for diplomacy, negotiation, or compassion. Warring nations, much like individuals in conflict, refuse to acknowledge wrongdoing, choosing instead to justify aggression and violence. This lack of accountability leads to endless cycles of retribution and perpetuating suffering on a massive scale.
Pathways to Connection: What We Can Do
Despite the bleakness of this situation, there are concrete steps we can take to rebuild connection and foster more harmonious relationships—both on an individual and societal level. These pathways are not about sweeping systemic changes overnight but about creating relational connecting habits that shift the way we interact with each other.
- Practice Apologies and Accountability: One of the simplest yet most profound steps we can take is to practice the art of saying “I’m sorry” and taking accountability for our actions. Acknowledging when the impact of our behaviors and language and when we’ve hurt others, even unintentionally, opens the door to healing and reconciliation. In a world that often prizes being “right” over being kind, an apology can be a revolutionary act.
- Engage in Difficult Conversations: Conflict will always exist, but how we handle it can make all the difference. Instead of avoiding difficult conversations, we need to embrace them with a spirit of openness and a willingness to learn and connect. Engaging with opposing perspectives, not as threats but as opportunities for growth, fosters empathy and understanding.
- Combat False Narratives with Truth: The political system thrives on false narratives and dehumanizing behaviors, but we can choose to combat these by seeking truth and sharing accurate information. By rejecting simplified narratives and committing to a more nuanced understanding of complex issues, we can resist the polarizing forces that seek to divide us.
- Cultivate Empathy: Empathy is a powerful antidote to disconnection. By actively working to understand and share the feelings of others, we begin to bridge the divides that separate us. Practicing empathy means recognizing the humanity in everyone, even those we disagree with.
- Foster Community and Belonging: In an era of disconnection, building inclusive communities is more important than ever. Whether at home, in the workplace, or in society at large, fostering spaces of belonging where people feel seen, heard, and valued can help restore relational bonds and reduce conflict.
In a world increasingly defined by division, disconnection, and conflict, these steps can help us remember the power of our shared humanity. By committing to practices of accountability, empathy, and truth-telling, we can begin to heal the fractures that have driven us apart and build a more connected, relational world.
Bill de la Cruz is a seasoned mediator with over 30 years of experience, traveling the country to help individuals understand the impact of biases, judgments, and stereotypes in everyday interactions. A national keynote speaker on relational leadership, Bill empowers people and organizations to become more humane through a skills-based approach to change. He firmly believes that when individuals commit to personal growth, we can foster meaningful change and re-humanize our connections with one another.
